Evolution: The Visual Ape

Men are visual creatures. When a woman enters a man’s visual field, electrical signals flood the optic nerves, lighting up synapses throughout the cerebral cortex, triggering the neck to rotate so that the eyes can lock on and commence tracking. The behavior is pure reflex, an involuntary muscle reaction, like breathing, over which men have almost no control. Most women tolerate this reaction from their men, not because they believe the common refrain that it’s okay to look but not to touch, but because they have come to realize that there is no hope of altering this behavior. Performing the movement is not without risk to the male, either from the swift backhand of a not so understanding mate, or from the serious internal injuries that can result from frequent and violent twisting of the head and neck. As my x-rays reveal, severe cases will require extensive surgery. 

The briefest glimpse of a female is enough to produce arousal in men. It is not even necessary for the female to be physically present, a picture will do quite nicely. That’s why there are more porn websites that cater to men than to women, at least according to my findings after hours of long, hard, bleary-eyed research. And the image does not necessarily have to be a photograph of a woman. Anything that’s remotely suggestive of the feminine form, especially breasts, is often sufficient. The reason is unclear, but mushrooms, mountains, and, mangos; cacti and oranges; and even light fixtures, are all known to trigger a sexual response in men. 

Why are men so visually excitable? Evolution. Millions of years of natural selection have eliminated less visually stimulated men from the gene pool. The characteristics displayed by the modern male were forged millions of years ago, long before Homo Erectus got up the nerve to migrate out of the African savanna. Those males who were the quickest to become aroused in the presence of a female achieved greater reproductive success and quickly became predominant within the population. 

Imagine three of our apelike ancestors, all male, sitting in an open grassy plain, drinking fermented berry juice, watching their buddies play kick the coconut. Each male is primarily aroused through one of their five senses: the first is aroused by sweet fragrances, the second is aroused by pleasant sounds, and the third is aroused at the sight of a female form. Now imagine that a female of the species saunters by at the far end of the playing field. All the apemen notice the feminine creature and turn to look.  Consider how each of them responds in this situation.

The male who requires olfactory stimulation is not likely to become particularly motivated. A female walking around in the hot African sun, covered with hair, unable to bathe properly because soap is still several millennia away, is not likely to smell like Channel No. 5. Have you ever seen chimpanzees in the zoo? They play with their feces? She probably smelled like L' Air du Shit. Our nasally sensitive male will not be induced to close the gap and procreate.

Next we have our aurally aroused primate. At this stage of human evolution, language had not developed and females just babbled incoherently, only capable of producing grating, screeching noises that made the body hair on males stand on end (there are obviously some things that evolution cannot fix). I've posted about the evolution of hearing before so I won't belabor the point here, just recognize that this racket won’t engender proliferation of the species.

Finally, we have our visually excitable friend. Just a glimpse of a female is sufficient to raise his interest and send him off in hot pursuit. In what is now recognized as the earliest precursor to the dinner and movie dating ritual, he'd offer her some of his banana and berries while inviting her back to his place to look at his cave etchings. This fellow achieved the highest reproductive success. Today, his progeny vastly outnumber those males who are aroused via the other senses, a group collectively referred to as "sensitive men."

So ladies, next time some lecher is staring at your breasts instead of making eye contact, don’t get indignant; he can’t help himself. It's in his genes, and he just wants to share them with you. It's evolution.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm submitting today's story toYeah Write.

And since I been suffering from a writing drought, today's post will have to do double duty at Dude Write.