Six Degrees of Senator Al Franken

Al Franken

I scanned the bookshelves in Annemiek's Paris apartment. No, I'm not cheating on Kellie. Annemiek is the French woman we exchanged homes with. She's currently in our house in Oceanside, California, critiquing the books in my library, no doubt. I wanted something to read, preferably in English, or with pictures, since I don't understand French. I couldn't find anything interesting so selected Al Franken's book Liars: And the Lying Liars Who Tell Them, one of three books in her collection by Franken. I was a little curious about Annemiek's Franken fetish. Why would a French woman be interested in an obscure American comedian turned senator of an even more obscure state? (I believe Minnesota is a state and not a Canadian Provence.) Franken is a liberal, and the French are almost communists. Liberals and communists are essentially the same thing, at least according to Rush Limbaugh, which might explain her fascination with the senator.

I decided to thumb through the other two Franken titles Annemiek owned: Oh, the Things I Know and I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me. Unlike the first book, these two were autographed by the author. They were addressed "To Owen" and signed "Love Al." I knew Annemiek had an ex-husband named Owen, but I couldn't understand why Franken would sign the books "Love Al" or why Annemiek would keep them.

I have a penchant for uncovering the story behind seemingly disparate facts, and I quickly constructed a likely scenario. Owen must have been Franken's gay Parisan lover, and their torrid affair ended Annemiek's marriage. She must have kept the books to blackmail a sitting U.S. Senator into supporting French efforts to have the United Nations declare 14 July International Croissant Day. This was the sort of scandal that you usually only find on Fox News, but I had the scoop. National recognition for my blog’s outstanding investigative journalism was inevitable. Did I hear somebody say Pulitzer?

I was day dreaming about my upcoming interviews on Fox & Friends and Face the Nation when Kellie called me to the living room. She was holding a picture frame. 

"Isn't the guy in this picture Al Franken?" she asked. 

Hoping for photographic evidence of Franken and his French lover, I grabbed the picture. Senator Franken appeared to be photobombing a picture of Annemiek’s extended family. Maybe she photoshopped him into the image, but that made no sense. Franken has the kind of face you photoshop out of a picture. I noticed that the guy standing next to Franken looked like a taller, older and better looking clone of the senator. I studied the image and started Googling. My hopes for fame evaporated when I discovered that Owen, Annemiek's ex-husband, was Al Franken's brother. The picture was just a Franken family photo.

There was still hope. Annemiek’s kids bore a striking resemblance to the senator. Did he have an affair with his brother's wife? Nah, that's just ridiculous.

At least I can brag to my friends that I slept in Senator Franken’s brother’s ex-wife’s Paris apartment. That sort of privilege has the kind of cachet that can really improve one's social standing.

Author's Note: To the best of my knowledge, Senator Al Franken is not gay and has never had an affair with his brother's wife, Fox News lies and Rush Limbaugh is fat. 
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