I was explaining the results of a recent scientific study to Kellie, hoping that the findings might persuade her to recognize the benefits of more frequent marital relations. According to the online journal Science, male fruit flies that are denied the opportunity to mate will consume excessive alcohol.
Today is our wedding anniversary; Kellie and I have been married for 15 years. But we sometimes have trouble remembering the date. A card from my mother is often the first reminder that the day is approaching. Several years ago, my mom came to California for a visit, and she was with us during our
“Have you heard a single word I’ve said?” demanded Kellie. Like many other men, it was a question I’ve been challenged with many times before. Women think that men intentionally ignore them, but that’s not the case. We cannot help ourselves; we have been conditioned by evolution to tune out the female voice. Let me explain.
Saturday evening, Kellie dragged my butt to the theater to see the movie John Carter. I didn’t find the trailer all that interesting, and I didn’t want to go, but I acquiesced to her wishes. The movie was just okay, and it didn’t take me too long to recognize why she wanted to see the film. The leading male character, John Carter, played by actor Taylor Kitsch, spent most of movie flexing, clothed in little more than rags and scraps of leather.
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According to Redbook, there are nine specific habits that successful couples practice to help make their marriages more "intimate and resilient" and reduce the chances of divorce. I have already written posts about many of Redbook's recommended behaviors, which must explain why Kellie and I do so well together. Here’s a summary on how we practice each of these habits.
1. They use terms of endearment
I call her Smellie and she refers to me as geek, dork, and nerd. Also included in this category: assigning pet names to your spouse’s intimate body parts. Kellie and I don’t that, unless her calling me an asshole qualifies.
Last May I had spine surgery to remove two degenerative disks from my neck that were bulging into my spinal cord and pressing on the C6 nerve root for my right arm. My doctor implanted an artificial disk between the C5 and C6 vertebrae and fused the C6 and C7 vertebrae.
Tonight is Kellie’s least favorite night of the year; the time change makes her lose an hour of sleep. Then she spends the next day asking, "What time is it?"
One week before your colonoscopy you're supposed to eliminate all nuts, beans, seeds or seed products from your diet. I forgot. To compensate, my doctor had me start my liquid diet yesterday, one day early. That means I'll go two full days without eating prior to my procedure tomorrow morning. I started becoming disagreeable after about six hours without any solid food, so Kellie decided to keep her distance from me.
Kellie just laughed and teased me when I got my first letter from AARP, but when I received mail from Smart Cremation, Kellie starting asking about the status of my life insurance policy.
men·o·pause /ˈmenəˌpôz/
Noun:
- The period in a woman's life (typically between 45 and 55 years of age) when fertility ends, caused by the:
- The termination of ovulation, resulting in:
- The cessation of menstruation, leading to:
- A stagnation of fornication, producing:
- Male desolation, desperation, and masturbation.
Noun:
- The sentence at the end of periods.
