Houston, We Have A Problem

I need some help.  I took my wedding ring off and put down somewhere; now, I can't find it.  How do I explain to Kellie, after she’s been gone for a week, that I’ve lost my wedding ring?  I’m sure it’s in the house and that it will turn up eventually, but if I can’t find it before she gets home tomorrow, I’ll have to tell her something.  Does anyone have any suggestions?  And it can’t be, “It fell off my finger while I was body surfing.”  I used that one already.

Coyotes

When Kellie is home, we frequently take our two small dogs, Maddie and Marley, both about 10 pounds, for long walks in the hills behind our housing development.  We stroll along the concrete gutters that run across the slopes to control rainwater runoff, while the dogs run free and explore the hills.  There are coyotes in area, that’s why we’re currently on cat number 17 or 18 (I lost count) but we don’t usually see or hear the coyotes during the daytime, and we’re usually not worried about the dog’s safety.

The Downside

Yesterday, I mentioned some the benefits of being home alone while Kellie takes a vacation without me.  But there are also some disadvantages:

• Kellie’s dogs will not use the doggie door I installed for their convenience if it’s raining outside; they are perfectly content to do their business on the living room floor when the weather is inclement. 

The Benefits of Sending Your Wife on a Cruise

Sub Captain's Stateroom

My seagoing days came to an end when I completed my tour as Commanding Officer of the USS OHIO (SSBN 726) (BLUE). Kellie was nervous: “What am I going do with you around here all the time?" she groaned. “I need to miss you once in a while.” Luckily, my subsequent shore assignments kept me traveling across the country and around the globe for over 20 weeks out of the year, giving Kellie a periodic respite from my constant presence and an extremely large horde of frequent flyer miles. 

Taking A Cruise To Prepare For The Cruise

Liza and Kellie, Feeling Fuzzy

Kellie prepares for a vacation the same way that a boxer trains for a championship fight: by scheduling a little tuneup action prior to the main event.  That’s why she’s currently underway on a week long Carnival Cruise to Mexico with our daughter, Kyra, in advance of our 34-day, Caribbean to Mediterranean holiday next month.  Kellie contends that she must acclimate to shipboard life again since she has not been aboard a cruise ship for almost three months now.

Sex or Alcohol

I was explaining the results of a recent scientific study to Kellie, hoping that the findings might persuade her to recognize the benefits of more frequent marital relations.  According to the online journal Science, male fruit flies that are denied the opportunity to mate will consume excessive alcohol.

The Wedding Anniversary

Today is our wedding anniversary; Kellie and I have been married for 15 years.  But we sometimes have trouble remembering the date. A card from my mother is often the first reminder that the day is approaching.  Several years ago, my mom came to California for a visit, and she was with us during our

Evolution: Why Men Don't Listen

“Have you heard a single word I’ve said?” demanded Kellie.  Like many other men, it was a question I’ve been challenged with many times before.  Women think that men intentionally ignore them, but that’s not the case.  We cannot help ourselves; we have been conditioned by evolution to tune out the female voice.  Let me explain.

John Carter

Saturday evening, Kellie dragged my butt to the theater to see the movie John Carter.  I didn’t find the trailer all that interesting, and I didn’t want to go, but I acquiesced to her wishes.  The movie was just okay, and it didn’t take me too long to recognize why she wanted to see the film.  The leading male character, John Carter, played by actor Taylor Kitsch, spent most of movie flexing, clothed in little more than rags and scraps of leather.

9 Habits Of Highly Effective Marriages

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According to Redbook, there are nine specific habits that successful couples practice to help make their marriages more "intimate and resilient" and reduce the chances of divorce. I have already written posts about many of Redbook's recommended behaviors, which must explain why Kellie and I do so well together. Here’s a summary on how we practice each of these habits.

1. They use terms of endearment

I call her Smellie and she refers to me as geek, dork, and nerd.  Also included in this category: assigning pet names to your spouse’s intimate body parts.  Kellie and I don’t that, unless her calling me an asshole qualifies.